washed and waiting: a recommendation

at the recommendation of a good friend of mine, i've been reading the book Washed and Waiting. Wesley Hill does a fantastic job telling his story and sharing his reflections on Christian faithfulness and homosexuality.  i'll be honest, when i started reading the book i was a little hesitant about using my time to learn more about and dig deeper into the homosexuality debate as there are a lot of books about what's right and what's not, and they are often written in a tone that lacks humility.  however, Hill is far from having hubris.  his humble presentation of his thoughts was gripping, and his story is a powerful testimony for all of us -- not just those who struggle with homosexuality or are struggling through their  theology regarding this hotly debated topic.  his honest candor about the role of sin in his life was refreshing and provided encouragement to continue on as a Christian seeking after sanctifying growth and awaiting that day when glorification will be known.  i'm thankful the book landed in my hands, and i'd encourage you to check it out, too.

 

a few quotes to chew on until you pick up the book....

"Engaging with God and entering the transformative life of the church does not mean we get a kind of 'free pass,' an unconditional love that leaves us where we are.  Instead, we get a fiercely demanding love, a divine love that will never let us escape from its purifying, renovating, and ultimately healing grip" (68).

"Though it sounds politically incorrect to modern ears, the gospel has always said that God may demand from us what he wants, since we do not belong to ourselves" (69).

"One of the hardest-to-swallow, most countercultural, counterintuitive implications of the gospel is that bearing up under a difficult burden with patient perseverance is a good thing" (71).

"I have come to realize my need to take the New Testament witness seriously that groaning and grief and feeling broken are legitimate ways for me to express my cross-bearing discipleship to Jesus.  It's not as if groaning means I am somehow doing something wrong.  Groaning is a sign of my fidelity" (119).

"The Bible calls the Christian struggle against sin faith (Hebrews 12:3-4; 10:37-19).  It calls the Christian fight against impure cravings holiness (Romans 6:12-13, 22).  So I am trying to appropriate these biblical descriptions for myself.  I am learning to look at my daily wrestling with disordered desires and call it trust.  I am learning to look at my battle to keep from giving in to my temptations and call it sanctification.  I am learning to see that my flawed, imperfect, yet never-giving-up faithfulness is precisely the spiritual fruit that God will praise me for on the last day, to ultimate honor of Jesus Christ" (146).

moments unrehearsed

ok. i'm finally doing it. i'm starting my photography business. here are a few from this past week:

[slideshow]

for now, find me on facebook --  moments unrehearsed: photography by julia dahlke

mad.

today i'm mad at the Church.  not proud of it.  but, it feels good to have it out in the open.

maybe it's because i've been cleaning and sorting and organizing this weekend which naturally brings up a lot of memories.  or maybe it is this dreary fall weather.  maybe it's another sunday morning of unfamiliarity.  whatever it is, it is.

the sad part is i know i'm not alone.

one thing i am very, very thankful for is that my God is not the Church.  my God works through the Church, but is not the Church.  and, my God, He loves the Church and chose to accomplish His purposes through this broken vessel filled with His sinner-saint children.  so, i guess if it is good enough for Him, it really should be good enough for me.  but, i'll be honest, today it's not.

oh Holy Father, restore in me a love for your ecclesia, your  body, your fellowship, your Church.  help me to love not only the idea, but the reality of not-yet-fully restored people.  help me to love the bumps and bruises as much as the beauty of it.  and, then, Lord, help me to serve there...loving with abandon.  using my gifts in freedom.  enjoying your children -- who you have redeemed and loved.  oh, Lord, help me to love.     -Amen (let it be so.)

oh Holy Father, restore in us, all of your children, a love for your ecclesia, your  body, your fellowship, your Church.  help us, all of your children, to love not only the idea, but the reality of not-yet-fully restored people.  help us, all of your children, to love the bumps and bruises as much as the beauty of it.  and, then, Lord, help us, all of your children, to serve there...loving with abandon.  using our gifts in freedom.  enjoying each other, your children -- who you have redeemed and loved.  oh, Lord, help us, all of your children, to love.    -Amen (let it be so.)

After giving myself antlers,

making funny air noises with my mouth and experimenting with a variety of other facial expressions, I've realized something.  I will do many crazy things to get a belly-laugh from the little lady I babysit.  I wonder how many other feats I should be doing crazy things to achieve...

nail

rise and shine

fall fun

[slideshow]

back here

With my father-in-law chisel plowing in the field and my brother-in-law hauling the last loads of round bales, Travis needed me to help him bale the hay that had recently been cut.  I climbed on the H and, with a little instruction, pulled the wagon up to the yard.  We hooked the wagon to the baler, Travis climbed on the tractor while I jumped on the wagon, and we headed down to the hay meadow.  Since it is the end of the season and there wasn't much grass to be baled, it took a long time for the square bales to push their way into existence.  So, I sat on the wagon and reflected on the day's events in between stacking bales.

There is something so refreshing about being on the farm -- a simplicity and quietness that fields and meadows whisper.  And, there is something about good, honest, hard work that really is invigorating.  Sometimes I feel like I'm back where I started.  As a little girl I said I would never live on the farm... then I decided it wouldn't be so bad... then I moved to Boston and had little desire to go back and get my hands dirty... and then something pulled me back there.  Back where we can tomatoes and pickles and slaughter our own meat.  Back where we hang our clothes on the line.  Back where we work hard all day, laugh hard all night, and then settle down by watching the stars.  Back there.  Yes, back here to the place my city friends mocked.  Back here where English is spoken with fewer articles and longer vowels.  Back here where you really do know your neighbors, really do care about their lives and really are there to lend a helping hand when life gets difficult.  Back here where I am aware of God's presence and where I worship while I work.  Back here.

And, as I stacked those bales on the back of the wagon, I thought about my grandpa Ralph, and I thought about how proud he would be to know that I was out there doing some good, honest, hard work with my husband.  And, I paused a moment as I thanked God that in His wisdom He brought this little girl back here.

beans are done!

corn in the beans

Yesterday Trav and I were looking over his field as the beans were being harvested.



We noticed a lot of corn stalks with nice-sized ears of corn on them.  When the combine harvests the beans, it also takes in the corn which means you end up with corn in your beans. Now, corn is a valuable crop, but when it's in your beans, not so much.  When farmers sell their beans, they are docked for corn that is found in the load.  So, we ran around the field pulling off all of the ears of corn we could and threw them in the back of the truck.  As I was looking over the corn, something about my past six months of life got my attention.

God has gifted his children with various and numerous gifts to build His Kingdom here in this world.  Each gift is valuable.  But, sometimes, I wonder if we try to practice our gifts in the wrong places.  I wonder how often God's children grow frustrated because they feel they aren't being given opportunity to practice their gifts in the best possible way.  I wonder how often feelings of self-doubt appear because volunteers are not working out of their areas of most giftedness.  I wonder how often people get burned out because they are constantly trying to do what isn't natural for them.  I wonder...

marriage and my imperfections

I’ve been thinking about commitment because I really couldn’t do this marriage thing without it.  I would crumble into a pile of anxious, works-based acts, constantly trying to win Travis’ love.  Every failure would lead me to question how close I was to the I’m-done-with-this bar.  Every selfish motive would take me to a concerned place that required repentance.  Every unkind word would put a pit in my stomach and a hope that he wasn’t going to leave me.  And, it strikes me that this is an awful way to live.

Now, let’s be honest, I’m strong-willed and difficult – a blessing and a curse.  Some days my 31 years of independence rise up and explode all over the place.  And sometimes, the explosion is greeted by kind eyes and lips that tip toward the ground, strong arms that embrace and gentle fingers that wipe away the tears.  Other times the explosion is met by an equally large outburst brought on by his 31 years of autonomy.  And, that’s ok…because at the end of the rage, after the words have been said (or shouted), whether a solution has been found or not – he loves me.  His commitment to me drips all over the place as he continues to serve me and care for me and meet my needs even in the midst of many imperfections.  And, I am moved as I have come to know that this is a most blessed way to live.

And it all reminds me of someone else I know… someone else who has served me and cared for me and met my needs... even amidst my many imperfections.